Caught between rules and desires

I'm pretty inspired by siamese' blog and considering that ive done nothing but lukkha-panti all day long,I should do something constructive.And the only logical thing striking me is that of updating my blog!
School started around 3 weeks back and it has been pretty bad if i may say so myself.UT's started at full swing,ruddy house work all day long,and by the way i'm supposed to look for a kashmiri patriotic song.Excuse me? I'm a punjabi.The only languages that my brain can interpret are Hindi,English core(LOL),Algebra(yeah..that i think is a language in its own way),And titbits of punjabi.Theres no way i can get a word of kashimiri,worse still,i dont even know what it sounds like!! But you know what,I'm brilliant..yeah i totally am,cause i managed the impossible.Shall be getting my hands on that song pretty soon..(more about this later).Getting back to last week,last wednesday infact,i had a math test,now math isnt so bad..but realtions and functions is! After giving a completely disastrous exam i came home to find one of my besties at home.We had been united after 2 months and hence hours of looooong talk followed.Wait.Did i just say hours?? of looong talks?? No! It was just 1 and a half hour of all the talks we could manage.And after that she left, not before we made an entire plan that i would come to her place on friday..would stay over and have a gala time.But alas,its my life we're talking about here,the worse had to happen.I fell ill the next day and couldnt even go to school cause i was sneezing and coughing all day long,so needless to say,by friday my mom had completely given a red signal to all the plans!
And if this wasn't enough,some jerk-head hacked my orkut profile and deleted it.I mean what kind of moron will think of something like this.Amidst all this i saw jaane tu again and as siamese would say,i adored the bushy eyebrow half naked khan!:) I couldn't stop humming to jaaane tuuuuuuu..yaaaaaaa jaane na... all weekend,but this does not mean that i dint slog my a** off to study for my accounts test.I swear i practiced questions from every book i could get my hands on!
But then came wednesday again and i screwed up the paper,it wasn't tough but i found it lengthy,But it does not matter,the bottom line is that i'm not scoring well and that is what matters.So this basically means that my academic life(if thats a word) is completely down in the trash!
Now..school has always been fun but lately some stupid morons have been coming to school and staring at me through the windows(go get a life for heavens sake) and people at school cant stop bitching about a certain creature(not that i blame them),teachers day planning is zilch till now and every morning i'm seen rumbling through the newspaper to prepare a decent news to be spoken in the assembly.Teachers cant stop talking about how even 92% people are not getting into DU and how the likes of us will be seen struggling to get into a decent college.And also some people cannot shut up about how their life is like a complete fairy tale.So once again,school sucks!And amidst all this my love life like always is non existent!

So coming back to the 'kashmiri song' topic.The deal is being the captain of my house i'm supposed to look for a kashimiri song which will be sung by students of my house on 14th august for some useless competition.Now this female from my old school is a kashmiri,so i figured that she could be of some help.And it turns out she is..but in all this i felt like such an arse (LOL) calling her up after over 5 years of silence and then asking her to mail me some random song, its lyrics and the meaning.Its all just..too weird for me to handle!
And after all this crap i still have to figure out a way to get to my BFF's b'day and stay there for more than juts 2 hours!!!!!

"Till there is CBSE,there shall be prayers at school"
Amen!

P.S.Sincere thanks to siamese.aka sobster.aka aniesha saigal for devoting her valuable time to help me get a number which will be of high importance in my future! (LOL). *i'm crazy*

Seeing beyond what is meant to be seen

The constant thoughts of the soaring cut offs and reminders that the next few months of my life would be consumed in slogging for a minimum of 95% [save me!] somehow made me realize that i needed a break! I've always been a one to travel a lot and go on regular vacations but the past year has been a dudder on the vacation front,the last one i took was to my beach land ,Goa,after the boards.And before i get engulfed by the studies monster i needed to get away for a while.
And because i gave my family a very short notice we decided to hit the road and go to shimla.I last went there when i was three and had no recollection of it.Though it is like any other hill station but i didn't not go there for scanning the local market or getting a zillion pictures clicked,so not so surprisingly,i hated the constant horns blowing here and there until my uncle took us to this place called the 'potters' hill.And i know,anything having the word 'potter' in it cannot be disappointing. The word beautiful does not do justice to that place.After an hours drive from the hotel we reached some wilderness and decided to walk the rest of the distance.It was drizzling and the sun was shining and the whole scenery was lovely.On our way up we found almost half a dozen different insects,not the gross ones,but the really pretty ones including lady birds and butterflies.We could see the snow covered mountains and hear the birds cause of the complete silence over there.It was one of the most recommended sight seeing places of the small town but surprisingly people preffered to wander the mall road where there was hardly any place to walk rather than go to a place where you can actually breathe fresh air.When after almost an hours walk up the hill,we finally reached the top.The place was actually called 'camp potters hill'.It was basically a camp site for people learning to climb mountains and stuff.There were proper tree houses over there with small chairs and tiny beds and a place without a single living soul.I would kill to live in a place like that.

So basically,what i mean is,a hill station like shimla is not about having pani puris or chaats at the local vendors or hearing the oh so annoying honking all day long.But its about places like these where you can see the sky and the mountains meet and look at some of the most beautiful flowers and where you cn walk for miles and miles just searching for pine cones because they are so darn nice.Well i may sound bonkers but i loved it over there.:)

CAUTION

Anyone leaving my blog without commenting on it will be cursed with the following in their next life:
hair like akshay khanna(i dont think they exits)
brain like rakhi sawant (i dont think that exits either)
dressing sense like vidya balan
height of rani mukherji
dhinchak moves like govinda and
personality of tusshar kapoor

LOL!;)
[dhamki bollywood ishtyle]

So..far away..for far too long!

A couple of weeks back my friend gave me this song "kabhi kabhi aditi" and i hardly listen to hindi songs..but this one is so..one of a kind types..and as it is with so many other songs..this one also seemed to be written truly for me..its funny how ones feelings can be expressed so easily through lyrcis than actual words..
Anyway..the song goes like..
"Kabhi kabhi aditi zindagi mei uhein koi apna lagta hai,kabhi kabhi aditi wo bichad jaye to ek sapna lagta hai.Aise mei koi kaise apne aasuon ko behne se rooke,aur kaise koi soch le everythings gonna be okay?"

It makes so much sense that it sometimes scares me..hehe..
See the deal is,there is this really really nice person i know,and i've known her for only a couple of months but she is a truly jem of a person.We can talk about anyting and evrything..and funnily enough she happens to be my teacher.Well..the reason i'm saying all this is because 'cause of her job shes moving to kuwait permanently.And this may make very little sense to a lot of people and you maybe wondering that rather than being sad,i should celebrate my freedom from a teacher,but then she never was just a teacher to all of us[her students]!
So anyway..after crying buckets and buckets i have realised that some things just arent mean to last forever..one has to see the silver lining in evrything ...

"Aditi maana kabhi kabhi saare jahaan mei andheera hota hai,lekin raat key baad hi to savera hota hai"
So..with this song..i wait for the silver lining[which seems to bea fading cause i cant see any..]


Anyway..concluding this..i hope for a lifetime of success for my teacher and i so truly love her![and i secretly hope she hates Kuwait and she comes back!!*grins*]

lastly...i'll quote dumbledore[harry potter? duh!] and say "numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you actually feel it.."

Note to self:See a doctor asap.
You need sleep!

TAG! what?:-0

Well..this is the second tym im doing this..the first time i did the whole thing but it somehow dint come..it better come this time or my lappy is going to be in serious danger..
anyway so i found these series of questions on aniesha blog..found them..nice and here is my attempt to answer those..

so..here we go again.

1. Grab the book nearest to you, turn on a random page and find random line.
The kite runner.."I fade out.I keep fading in and out".

2. Stretch your left arm out as far as you can.
who do u think i am..some psyco freak? well..ya i am! but no im not doing this.

3. What is the last thing you watched on TV?
Ibibo I superstar..some guy acting like shahid kapoor..sigh..love him..shahid i mean!

4.Without looking, guess what time it is?
um...3.20??

5. Now look at the clock, what is the actual time?
4.00!!! [wtf]
I have a class in 10 mins.

6. With the exception of the computer, what can you hear?
Justin singing..'what goes around goes around goes around comes all the way back around..yeahhh...'
i dont get it..is the guy talking about rotation of the earth? [worst joke ever in the history of pathetic jokes]

7. Before you started this survey, what did you look at?
R.D. Sharma for class XII..Part 1.
Continuity and differenciation.[yawns at the thought of it]

8. What are you wearing?
A brown tee that says 'Trust me,i'm the next best thing'!;) and blue jeans and yea..kohl(which btw is not smudged!)

9. Did you dream last night?
Yea..it was something about my folks getting me married to some gorgeous hunk! I lovee my dreams..
Reality check:first thing in the morning my mum shouts at me for getting up really late n asks me to start studying right away..!
somehow..reality continues to ruin my life..LOL!=)

[leaves for her tuition..will continue around 7.00]


[Back!]

10.When did you last laugh?
On my way home..when i was listening to Sudarshan..oh sorry..Sud..LOL..!

[Amanat imitating Sud]
"All you party people..aaj mai aapko ek baat batane ja raha hun..waise ye bahoot kam log jante hain aur ab waqt aa gaya hai ki aap bhi jaan lain..dekhiye..baat aisi hai..ki main painting karta hun..maine ek dil ki painting banaayi thi..you se i'm a very romantic person(i cracked up).But maine apne dost ko dikhaayi to usne kaha ki ye to aisa lag raha hai ki do laal rang ki chappalon ko sath main chipka diya ho"

LOL.!i find him hilarious!!!

11.What is on the walls of the room you are in?
One wall has blue texture and the others are full of my paintings and collages..!:)

12.What do u think of this quiz?
IF i could think,would i be even doing this???

13.Which was the last film u saw?
Jab we met..i have to see this movie every week..atleast once! And no,not cause of shahid or kareena but for anshuman!! He cracks me up..every time! what i cant figure out is that whether he acts like that of he's like that only??

[Amanat imitating anshuman]
Ye saale launde mujhe ganne ke khet dikhlane leke jaana chahte hain.KYUN dekhu main ganne ke khet?? Aisi kya khaas baat hai ganne ke kheet main??

Hahahahaha..love him!


14.Tell me something about you that I dunno.
That i'm a complete sucker for anything closely associated with coco(read chocolate)!
oh wait! you knew that..;)

15.If you could change one thing about the world, regardless of guilt or politics, what would you do?
Bring kuwait to India (well..only very few people will understand this..and if you are not one of them..dont try too hard!)

16. Do you like to dance?
Yeah!!! loooove to dance..but i'm too lazy to move my butt from left to right..getting up and moving my whole body is out of question..!

17.George Bush.
wtf! Osama is gonna get him some day!Or i will!!! hahahahaha(evil laughter)

18.Imagine your first child is a boy, what do you call him?
Rehan(somehow love the name..buh no Hrehan..!if the 'H' is silent..why the hell bother to put it in the first place?)

19.Would you ever consider living abroad?
Study abroad? yeah! settle abroad? no!

20.What do you want GOD to say to you when you reach the pearly gates?
How you doin?? [joey style]

21.People who may do this memo in their journal.
oh well..dont care!:)

so..finally done it again..Sweet home alabama airs at 8.20! cant wait!!:)

A path to self discovery..

Well..though the title seems pretty intellectual..i'm feeling compeletely opposite right now.Its a sunday afternoon and i have nothing to do at all.There is nothing good on TV,bored of computer,and sick and tired of differenciation(in simpler words,Math).So i just randomly rumble through my drawer and come across a sheet of paper titled 'Holiday Homework From the Principal's Desk'.I'm sure you must be snorting/rolling you eyes/giggling/or piting me right now.Well it dosent really matter to me..anyway so what is the story behind this bizzare 'homework'?
Date:7th may
Time:somewhere between 12.30-1.00
We have our maths class going on and the teacher is blabbering something about a realtion F and some binary function.And my mind is trying to figure out the lists for the stupid ad act/solo bhajan/hindi debate comeptetions.Enter:principal ma'm(well its a blog and any one can visit it,so necessary to show respect,not that i care).she has a huge bunch of papers in her hands.
well..so some speculations about the possibility of a school trip had been doing rounds which had been conformed by the upper council.So me and shimsi get totally excited and start whispering instantly(tch tch tch..what were we expecting).So we were hoping againt hope that princi had come to her sense and had finally agreed to a school trip which by the way is our last chance to have ultimate fun with our forever frinds(sob sob).Comming back to the topic,so the princi has this huge smile on her face and announces that she has personally brought to us holiday homework which is to be submitted on 1st july or which could also be emailed to her peronal id..blah blah blah blaaah...!
Princi:(these may not be her exact words but im trying to b as presise as possible)Well seeingas how your vacations will soon start i would like to give you some things to think about...food for though.[Smile widely..gives a dramactic pause and then continues].These questions are to be answered truthfully as they will help you to understnd youself better,the more you think about them the more you know yourself.soon you will be out of school and facing the world,it is therefore necessary to atleast know the truth about yourself..
(polite applause)
[If i had my way,i would have asked sarthak to make his cow adam mooooo at this!]
After she left i glanced through the questions and some of them i agree were really good(her assistant seems to gave given this a lot of thought..*wink*)
so here are some of the questions with the answers that i would like to give but which ofcourse i wont give(duh!).

1.Q.How much do i know myself and what i really like to be?

Potential answer:Hmmm...i'm almost 17 years old and to think of it,i never really thought about this(apart from the times that i had to fill the stupid columns "about me" in my various profiles).So does this mean i dont know myself at all...well maybe i dont but then nobody really does know how or what they actually are.Every one goes around with a smile pasted on their faces faking that they have a suberb life or worse there are some people who cry aloud that their life sucks.So basically i know that im never completey satisfied with life(which i think si good beacuse if i were then life in itself would not have any meaning).And as for what i would really like to be,well i am satisfied with how i am and cant see myself in any one elses shoes.But i can name a bunch of people i would NEVER wanna be.

2.Q.How do i envision my future-10 or 20 years hence?

Potential answer:Ohk,firstly,what happened to the whole theory of living in the present??so,you basically want me to either:
a.say some shit like 'I see myself in a comfortable job paying a good salary and prepared for the adventures of life ahead'

b.Or worse make up something like'I see myself in a jail sentenced for a lifetime cause i killed my only daughter cause of some insane reason'
The point i'm trying to make is that left the future reamin a future..unseen.There is no point in making up some huge dreams and then suffering and feeling dejected cause u wernt able to fulfill them.Its always good to plan ahead of time but not at all 'healthy' to completely decide what colour walls you will have after 20 years of in what school your child will go!

3.Q.In how many ways do i waste my time?do i feel guilty about it?

Potential answer:Duh! i can write a book on 10000001 ways to waste time,i mean i know its precious and all but you have gotta have a life.And yah i feel guilty about it a lot,but i dont regret it cause its my decision and then i cover up with my 'studies' later on and as far i know i have been managing just about fine till now.

4.Q.Do i smile,spread cheer ans use winsome words or do I spoil mu environment with my whims and foul words?

Potential answer:The way i see it,if people like UT have made the environment a stinking hell just by existing i it then how can a few foul words make a difference.And sorry im no lunatic who goes around smiling from ear to ear hoping to take away peoples sufferings while doing this so if you would just be a little kind and organise a trip for us(i dont care where to) you will be making a huge differnce to the happiness of mankind and would to blessed by over 200 teens immensely.You are bound to sprad cheer that ways sweetheart!*winks*

There are over 15 more of such questions but my brain is exhausted with so much thinking.I'm done for the day.
*yawns*
*goes to sleep*

S0meday,s0mewhere..

P.S.Just random stuff..its byn kinda long i wrote a poem...so here goes!


I say i dont care anymore..but i do.
I say i'm not lying to u..but i am.
I say you dont matter now..but you do.
I say i'm moving on..but i'm not.
I say it does not hurt at all..but it does.
I say i'm happy..but i'm not.
I say time heals all..but it does not.
I say i'm gonna be all right..but i wont be.
I say its past now..but its not.
I say its not the end..but it is.
I say i'm not lonely..but i am.
I say i never loved you..but i still do.

Current mood:NUMB

Numbness prevails as i recollect todays events..
I had an a/c class at 9.30 am but it began at 10 cause some people are such lazy bums to make it on time(includin me..lol).
so for around half an hour we were sitting and chatting with ma'am and obviously the topic was the murder of arushi.
So first let me update you on the topic,a class 9 DPS noida girl was killed(throat slit) while she was sleeping and within a couple of hours after that the main suspect,the servent was killed in the exact same manner.The parents of the girl are both dentists and apparently they were not aware that their daughters dead body was in her room..(they discovered it after 14 hours of the murder).So the point is,why am i writing this,not that i knew her personally,but many of my friends did.Almost all of my a/c class batch is in DPS noida,and my a/c teacher teaches there.Another friend of mine is in the same dance class as arushi was.So bsically i am not connected to her but somehow these events shake you up,i feel so numb and weird and disgusted at the cruelty of the world and the damn injustice!
thats it for now..
May Arushi's soul rest in peace!

Time flies by as the pendulum swings!

time simply HAS flown by since i posted anything on my blog,almost 2 months to be presise.
so considering how people(read aniesha) have become so very philosophical,i need to start working on my writing skill..
talking about skills..n being philosophical,in the past few weks i have been remineded a considerable number of times that i am far too innocent and baby-like to be in the 12th grade.
these sincere observations have been made by my dear mom and my bff's!
dont know what has gotten into mom,but my bff's have surely been right of some people.only last sunday was one of my bff's surprise party and we ended up reading her personaly diary(we are such bitches i tell you) which revealed ceratin truths about some1 which i was completely alien too...and i felt guilt afterwards cause now i cant be the same around 'that person'.but seeing how supportive my frinds are(gosh i love you guys!),they made me realise that i shudnt be gulity cause she is the one who is such a fake bitch(whats up wit me n the whole abusing thing..).
so anywhay i read this somewhre and it certainly goes with the mood!
"Its sad when people you know become people you knew,when you can walk right past someone like they were never a big part of your life,how you used to be able to talk for hours and now you can barely even look at them"!
sigh...
so enough of sighing..i need to get a grip..its not like my whole entire life depends on one soul!
enough of the philosophical part..back to the crazydodo amanat.
So, i'm in the 12th grade now..the last and final year of school, and somehow..me and my gang are not taking this too well...we keep on clicking picturs so we can savour these 'last year' memories..we write on each other's arms goodbye messages..and somewhre deep down we know that with this year comming to an end,a little part of us will surely fade away..it aches to think that we will part ways sometime soon enough!So after a week long of freaking hours long extra classes i'm a free bird!Notexactly cause i have tutions 6 days a week...but the 1 hour a/c class does not qualify as studiescause its sooo much fun and the 2 hours of math class is fun in its own way..!
So i guess that's it for now..catch up later!g'nyte..
P.s. after 3 weeks of moaning and after throwing endless tantrums and after a millions sighs..i finally found my entnic earings and my copy of HP!:D
I AM a complete dodo..hehe..i admit that..

career fiasco..!

mum and i were driving to waves today and we had this conversation on our way.
Me:mumma..do we need to do some course after 12th so as to give an entrance for journalism?
Mom:I've no clue,ill find out if you want me to.
Me:Oh dats fine..i toked to shreya and she was toking bout sum classes,ill ask her.
Mom:but do you actually want to do this??
Me:Mom? u know iv always wanted to be a journalist,let me atleast give the entrance.
Mom:(hesitating)we have gone over this before beta..eco honnorse and then mba are best for you.You can think of going to the london school of economics.after that u get a series of jobs and get into high posts.
Me:but mom!! money isnt evrything u know.!!
Mom:i know that but see whre ur lalit bhaiya is today..we know better..

thats it..my all hopes of a career in journalism,my dream has been crushed..forver!sob!!:(