Just warning you. This is going to be a sad entry. It's going to be a sad, sad, depressing entry.
2009 was wonderful, 2010, not so much. Two months into this year and I'm hating it already. Life has taken a 360 degree turn. So many people, who are so close to me, have let me down. Me being one of them. I've changed. I was hurt,emotionally of course.. so I took to hurting people, hating people. People who mean the world to me; people who are my family, other than my family. I don't know why, but I thought that if I was mean and rude and hurtful, I wouldn't feel my own pain. That if I made someone cry, maybe I wouldn't cry so much.
But, I recovered. I went to the dark side, through the tunnel and came out. I got through entire days without crying. I made up with people I had shut out. I mended myself.. cus no matter how cheesy it might sound, after everything, life moves on.
She got me through this. Cried when I was low. Hugged me when I couldn't take it anymore. She's my best friend. And she got me through this. She is one person who I couldn't shut out. She knows it's her, the entire world doesn't need to know.
But this wasn't enough. Mending was temporary. Because things are falling apart again. Things I have absolutely no control over. Things I'm way too young to imagine could even happen. Things that have nothing to do with me, and are still affecting me. Two days of joy are over again.
I wanna go back to simpler times. To the time when I got up, read your message and knew that the day was going to be wonderful, no matter how many crappy things happened. To the time when I was just me and you were just you and there weren't all these complications.To a time when we fought and no matter what happened, you made sure that I knew that you would come back. But I am no longer who I was. You have changed, or that's what you say. Sounds silly, immature maybe. I don't want all this. I wanna go back to the 12th of February 2010. When we three were just a bunch of dumb 18 year old's knowing that our friendship was going to last forever.
It's not the same anymore. But I just want the two of you to know that I love you. That no matter how hard it gets, I'll be there. Longer than forever.