A path to self discovery..

Well..though the title seems pretty intellectual..i'm feeling compeletely opposite right now.Its a sunday afternoon and i have nothing to do at all.There is nothing good on TV,bored of computer,and sick and tired of differenciation(in simpler words,Math).So i just randomly rumble through my drawer and come across a sheet of paper titled 'Holiday Homework From the Principal's Desk'.I'm sure you must be snorting/rolling you eyes/giggling/or piting me right now.Well it dosent really matter to me..anyway so what is the story behind this bizzare 'homework'?
Date:7th may
Time:somewhere between 12.30-1.00
We have our maths class going on and the teacher is blabbering something about a realtion F and some binary function.And my mind is trying to figure out the lists for the stupid ad act/solo bhajan/hindi debate comeptetions.Enter:principal ma'm(well its a blog and any one can visit it,so necessary to show respect,not that i care).she has a huge bunch of papers in her hands.
well..so some speculations about the possibility of a school trip had been doing rounds which had been conformed by the upper council.So me and shimsi get totally excited and start whispering instantly(tch tch tch..what were we expecting).So we were hoping againt hope that princi had come to her sense and had finally agreed to a school trip which by the way is our last chance to have ultimate fun with our forever frinds(sob sob).Comming back to the topic,so the princi has this huge smile on her face and announces that she has personally brought to us holiday homework which is to be submitted on 1st july or which could also be emailed to her peronal id..blah blah blah blaaah...!
Princi:(these may not be her exact words but im trying to b as presise as possible)Well seeingas how your vacations will soon start i would like to give you some things to think about...food for though.[Smile widely..gives a dramactic pause and then continues].These questions are to be answered truthfully as they will help you to understnd youself better,the more you think about them the more you know yourself.soon you will be out of school and facing the world,it is therefore necessary to atleast know the truth about yourself..
(polite applause)
[If i had my way,i would have asked sarthak to make his cow adam mooooo at this!]
After she left i glanced through the questions and some of them i agree were really good(her assistant seems to gave given this a lot of thought..*wink*)
so here are some of the questions with the answers that i would like to give but which ofcourse i wont give(duh!).

1.Q.How much do i know myself and what i really like to be?

Potential answer:Hmmm...i'm almost 17 years old and to think of it,i never really thought about this(apart from the times that i had to fill the stupid columns "about me" in my various profiles).So does this mean i dont know myself at all...well maybe i dont but then nobody really does know how or what they actually are.Every one goes around with a smile pasted on their faces faking that they have a suberb life or worse there are some people who cry aloud that their life sucks.So basically i know that im never completey satisfied with life(which i think si good beacuse if i were then life in itself would not have any meaning).And as for what i would really like to be,well i am satisfied with how i am and cant see myself in any one elses shoes.But i can name a bunch of people i would NEVER wanna be.

2.Q.How do i envision my future-10 or 20 years hence?

Potential answer:Ohk,firstly,what happened to the whole theory of living in the present??so,you basically want me to either:
a.say some shit like 'I see myself in a comfortable job paying a good salary and prepared for the adventures of life ahead'

b.Or worse make up something like'I see myself in a jail sentenced for a lifetime cause i killed my only daughter cause of some insane reason'
The point i'm trying to make is that left the future reamin a future..unseen.There is no point in making up some huge dreams and then suffering and feeling dejected cause u wernt able to fulfill them.Its always good to plan ahead of time but not at all 'healthy' to completely decide what colour walls you will have after 20 years of in what school your child will go!

3.Q.In how many ways do i waste my time?do i feel guilty about it?

Potential answer:Duh! i can write a book on 10000001 ways to waste time,i mean i know its precious and all but you have gotta have a life.And yah i feel guilty about it a lot,but i dont regret it cause its my decision and then i cover up with my 'studies' later on and as far i know i have been managing just about fine till now.

4.Q.Do i smile,spread cheer ans use winsome words or do I spoil mu environment with my whims and foul words?

Potential answer:The way i see it,if people like UT have made the environment a stinking hell just by existing i it then how can a few foul words make a difference.And sorry im no lunatic who goes around smiling from ear to ear hoping to take away peoples sufferings while doing this so if you would just be a little kind and organise a trip for us(i dont care where to) you will be making a huge differnce to the happiness of mankind and would to blessed by over 200 teens immensely.You are bound to sprad cheer that ways sweetheart!*winks*

There are over 15 more of such questions but my brain is exhausted with so much thinking.I'm done for the day.
*yawns*
*goes to sleep*

S0meday,s0mewhere..

P.S.Just random stuff..its byn kinda long i wrote a poem...so here goes!


I say i dont care anymore..but i do.
I say i'm not lying to u..but i am.
I say you dont matter now..but you do.
I say i'm moving on..but i'm not.
I say it does not hurt at all..but it does.
I say i'm happy..but i'm not.
I say time heals all..but it does not.
I say i'm gonna be all right..but i wont be.
I say its past now..but its not.
I say its not the end..but it is.
I say i'm not lonely..but i am.
I say i never loved you..but i still do.

Current mood:NUMB

Numbness prevails as i recollect todays events..
I had an a/c class at 9.30 am but it began at 10 cause some people are such lazy bums to make it on time(includin me..lol).
so for around half an hour we were sitting and chatting with ma'am and obviously the topic was the murder of arushi.
So first let me update you on the topic,a class 9 DPS noida girl was killed(throat slit) while she was sleeping and within a couple of hours after that the main suspect,the servent was killed in the exact same manner.The parents of the girl are both dentists and apparently they were not aware that their daughters dead body was in her room..(they discovered it after 14 hours of the murder).So the point is,why am i writing this,not that i knew her personally,but many of my friends did.Almost all of my a/c class batch is in DPS noida,and my a/c teacher teaches there.Another friend of mine is in the same dance class as arushi was.So bsically i am not connected to her but somehow these events shake you up,i feel so numb and weird and disgusted at the cruelty of the world and the damn injustice!
thats it for now..
May Arushi's soul rest in peace!

Time flies by as the pendulum swings!

time simply HAS flown by since i posted anything on my blog,almost 2 months to be presise.
so considering how people(read aniesha) have become so very philosophical,i need to start working on my writing skill..
talking about skills..n being philosophical,in the past few weks i have been remineded a considerable number of times that i am far too innocent and baby-like to be in the 12th grade.
these sincere observations have been made by my dear mom and my bff's!
dont know what has gotten into mom,but my bff's have surely been right of some people.only last sunday was one of my bff's surprise party and we ended up reading her personaly diary(we are such bitches i tell you) which revealed ceratin truths about some1 which i was completely alien too...and i felt guilt afterwards cause now i cant be the same around 'that person'.but seeing how supportive my frinds are(gosh i love you guys!),they made me realise that i shudnt be gulity cause she is the one who is such a fake bitch(whats up wit me n the whole abusing thing..).
so anywhay i read this somewhre and it certainly goes with the mood!
"Its sad when people you know become people you knew,when you can walk right past someone like they were never a big part of your life,how you used to be able to talk for hours and now you can barely even look at them"!
sigh...
so enough of sighing..i need to get a grip..its not like my whole entire life depends on one soul!
enough of the philosophical part..back to the crazydodo amanat.
So, i'm in the 12th grade now..the last and final year of school, and somehow..me and my gang are not taking this too well...we keep on clicking picturs so we can savour these 'last year' memories..we write on each other's arms goodbye messages..and somewhre deep down we know that with this year comming to an end,a little part of us will surely fade away..it aches to think that we will part ways sometime soon enough!So after a week long of freaking hours long extra classes i'm a free bird!Notexactly cause i have tutions 6 days a week...but the 1 hour a/c class does not qualify as studiescause its sooo much fun and the 2 hours of math class is fun in its own way..!
So i guess that's it for now..catch up later!g'nyte..
P.s. after 3 weeks of moaning and after throwing endless tantrums and after a millions sighs..i finally found my entnic earings and my copy of HP!:D
I AM a complete dodo..hehe..i admit that..