The entire ride home my mind has been having a conversation with itself. And it got so intense that I almost missed my station, twice.
Dysfunctional. Blurred. Mixed. Confused. These barely describe what I have been going through lately. Too many emotions coming together. Emotionally drained and feel like I'm going to either break down or pass out any second. Major cramps, severe eye allergy and a bad hair day is not helping matters. The year has reached its final lap and '09 is going to be over in less than 10 days. It's been a good one overall. I have changed in more ways than one and not only on the outside. I no longer hang out with the same people anymore, my playlist does not have the songs which I once used to love,have gained a lot of weight[ :-( ], my priorities have changed, I'm even more clueless about my journey, a lot of people have made their way into my life.. and a few have said their silent goodbyes. There have been a lot of tears and even more smiles, many celebrations, many events that might have changed me in ways that can't be altered. The people who I look upto are no longer the same, the problems I once had seem so silly now...and yes, its been a good year.
When I was leaving school, a lot of people told me, " Don't ever change".. Is it possible for a person to not change? I mean really.. we all do...change somehow, for better and maybe sometimes for the worse.
There is a lot going on inside me which I needed to pour out. I could have called up any of my best friends who would have more than eagerly listened to me vent out. But today, i just needed to talk to someone who would not given any opinion, none at all. And hence the reason for the post.
I feel I'm growing up. This may make a lot of people I know laugh their ass off ( shoe size 3 and growing up it seem! ). But I can really feel it. Have been handling things which are way beyond my maturity level and then having a lot of frustration to deal way. Have been very short tempered lately.. have hurt a lot of people who mean the world to me and haven't been able to bring myself to apologize to them.
Basically, growing up sucks! Yes you are old enough to drive and smoke and get married and have sex and party and all that. But once you do actually 'grow up' the world which was once a perfect place starts showing its true colors.. You realize that sometimes, mom's hug cannot solve everything, that sometimes even your best friends are going to let you down, that sometimes the people who you 'love' are going to shatter you ( but then put you back together also), that people lie- all the time, hardly anyone ever says what they mean, people are going to die, you are gonna get hurt, that sometimes the pain is going to be too much, and sometimes love is not going to be enough.
No, I'm not a pessimist. I'm just being practical. :)