I'm a hypocrite. So sue me.

Hypocrisy (n): The practice of claiming to have moral standards or beliefs to which one's own behavior does not conform; pretense.

A few days ago while in the middle of an important discussion of targets and timelines for the new project, my colleague brought up a very simple question. He asked us why all of us were so afraid of being hypocrites. Why we got offended when someone accused us of being hypocrites. I thought about it for a minute and responded that it was simply because it has always been used in a negative context and my first instinct would be to deny it right out. He very simply then replied that every person is a hypocrite, which actually is not a bad thing. When one does a business, a little bit of hypocrisy is essential, so one must proudly embrace it.

This conversation got me thinking about the whole idea of hypocrisy, about how it is there in all of us and how we refuse to admit it to anyone. At least, I do. If someone would point out that I was being a hypocrite, I would immediately defend myself. I think one of the reasons for this that whenever someone points out something I've been trying to hide, not consciously, but just because I feel that it is a very personal part of me, I quickly take offence. I feel as if the other person can somehow read me completely and that scares me. I think all of us have a part, however little, that is just us. We don't want to share it with anyone, not because we are ashamed of it, but because its just personal to us. Known between just you and yourself. Alright now I can feel myself digressing from the topic.

So the conversation got me wondering as to why I was afraid of being a hypocrite.Maybe because deep down I'm afraid of being found out. I'm afraid that the other person will see right through me. Every so often I think of someone I know as a hypocrite and it makes me a little edgy to think that they might be wondering the same about me. This thing in itself is hypocrisy.

I talk about chasing your dreams and always doing a job that makes you happy. But I worked for a corporate for over 9 months, hating every bit of it and willing myself to stick it out for 2 years. (Well, I couldn't do it and just quit one day and instead joined an organization I actually like working for and doing thing that I feel could actually make a difference). But the point it, even on days when I would have to drag myself to get out of bed and go to work, I knew deep down that I am someone who always puts emphasis on doing a job that you love and unconsciously thought about what Steve Jobs once said,

"Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life. Don't be trapped by dogma -which is living with the results of other people's thinking. Don't let the noise of others' opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most important, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition."

 However, I couldn't bring myself to admit that this wasn't right for me. I kept trying to force myself to be someone I just wasn't. We always find it easier to preach about things instead of having the balls to follow them ourselves. 

Bros before hoes. I swear by this day in and day out. It's very simple, boyfriends will come and go, but friends are the ones who will be there to celebrate with you when you start dating someone and they will still be there when the whole thing crashes and burns. But you have to balance your priorities between those two periods. Often I complain about some friend of mine being too much into their relationship and not giving enough importance to his/her friends when I myself have been guilty of doing the same. I sometimes cancel plans with friends just to have a quite date. Then why is it so difficult for me to excuse someone else of doing the same. Sigh.

I talk about how we should put our egos aside and not think about what others say, when I myself sometimes lay awake at night wondering about this very thing.

I talk about my support to homosexuality. Don't get me wrong, I do support it completely. I think we should be with someone who makes us happy. Irrespective of their gender, nationality or color. But when I see two men holding hands and walking on the street, it makes me slightly uncomfortable and truthfully, I find it a little amusing. Guilty.

I talk about how money and materialism doesn't matter, but at the end of the day I find myself craving for these very things. 

These things and so many more. The truth is, I am a hypocrite, sometimes. I'm just not afraid to admit it anymore.